Episode 7 | Not Everyone Needs to Be a Mother

Becoming a mother is a beautiful thing– and one helluva a difficult job. But it’s just not for everyone.

You read that right: not all women want to become mothers. Not all women should. And it’s fine. It’s more than fine, actually– it’s also beautiful.

Sabrina Osborn is back on the podcast today, joining me for an episode where we discuss our choice to remain childless. We’re not spinsters, we don’t hate kids (Brina actually adores them), and our happiness doesn’t come with an asterisk attached because we’ve decided not to become moms.

In this episode:

• Choosing to be childless today
• The things we have heard (or people have said!) to us re: the choice not to have children
• Why more and more women (and couples in general) are choosing to remain childless
• The gender pay gap and how it relates to women having children
• Note for the moms out there: we support you! Your decision to have children in whatever form that takes and how you feel about your role as a mom is valid and important.

Timestamps:

• 4:00 Societal idea that you are not successful or complete unless you become a mother and where that comes from
• 9:35 Completely inappropriate/misguided things people have said to us when they learn we don’t want to be moms
• 24:55 The argument that it’s actually selfish to have kids you don’t really want than it is to choose to remain childless
• 27:55 Statistics time: why women are delaying having kids, the enormous cost of raising a child, and the link between children and a woman’s earning power in the workplace
• 36:42 Subscribing to the accepted life plan of having kids and then discovering I actually didn’t want them
• 40:05 Brina briefly catching baby fever
• 49:15 If motherhood is the “best” thing a woman can do, why aren’t we unconditionally supportive of ALL single moms? Especially single moms of color and women in lower socioeconomic classes?
• 55:00 The media + entertainment we consume is a huge part of our (and society’s) programming
• 1:00:05 Holding space for women who want to become mothers and cannot (infertility, etc) and are judged as “selfish”