Red Carpet Rundown: 2011 Met Ball.

Ahh, the Met Ball. It’s like fashion porn, or the Superbowl of red carpets. The whole point of the ball is to step your game up, wear something couture/avant garde/a little weird/extravagant, and still look beautiful. The look has to have personality; your standard mermaid gown will not do at the Met.

This year’s gala honored the late Alexander McQueen (King of Fashion Drama!). High stakes. Let’s see how the attendees fared this year.

The Best:

Image courtesy of People.com

Dianna Agron in Michael Kors. Please check out Mr. Kors standing behind Dianna like some sort of fashion secret service.  He’s amazing. Dianna’s dress is very minimalist (so popular with Calvin Klein and MK this season). Love the fiery red, that neckline and the gold cuff. Dianna’s hair and makeup are perfect with this gown— simple, chic.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Alexander McQueen. Crazy bead work, right? It’s very covered up, yet manages to be super sexy at the same time. This nude color looks great on SJP, and the three-quartered sleeve is perfect. A full sleeve would have been too much; fabric overkill.

Eva Mendes in Stella McCartney. Sick. So gorgeous. That blue is incredible. I love the one-sleeve, and how it blouses at the sleeve and then gathers at the shoulder. Grecian perfection. Those pleats are really artfully done, and the belt anchors the look and keeps your eye on Eva’s waist. It’s like 70s-Halston meets the Mediterranean. One of my favorite gowns of the night.

Demi Moore in Prabal Gurung. Demi is channeling her inner Brit with that headpiece, and I’m digging it. It’s very McQueen— over the top, in your face, but somehow flattering. Black was a great choice for a dress with so much texture. Feathers of different shapes and sizes cascading to the train; not the easiest to pull off.  Demi can, and does.

Christina Ricci in Zac Posen. When I first saw this, I thought it was a McQueen gown. It totally embodies the spirit of his designs— and the almost macabre (spiderwebs!) tone reminded me of some of his earlier work. Christina looks so little here through the waist; look at the way the dress cinches her in! It’s incredible— and probably uncomfortable, but this is what you sacrifice at The Met. The way the webbing weaves around her body is masterful, and that big black tulle skirt is both crazy and fabulous.

Bar Refaeli in Reem Acra. Look at the detail of this dress— like it took someone years to create. Couture! I love the pattern. It flows, yet it almost looks like armor. The splashes of turquoise against the gold is a great touch, like flashes of water or sky against the gold. Bar’s earrings carry this theme throughout. Lovely!

Ashley Olsen in vintage Dior. At first, this dress didn’t wow me. But the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. Those sleeve are beautiful— yes, they’re very Captain Blackbeard Sails the Seven Seas, but they’re also flattering. Look at Ashley’s shoulders and decolletage; so feminine with the sleeves. Simple black body of the dress gives way to a sexy slit. Gorgeous! The dress is playful, a juxtaposition, a puzzle. All good for The Met.

Jennifer Lopez in Gucci. Are we fighting about this? JLo is wearing something polarizing; you’re either going to love it or hate it. I happen to be in the former category. It’s bold, both in color and design. (The point of The Met, especially for those willing to go for it.) That floral shrug could have been grandma-esque, but it looks high fashion here. The wrap around the neck is a little messy, but I like the way it drapes in front of the cut-out in the bodice. And have we talked about JLo’s face before? Because it’s crazy. I want my face to age (or not age, as it were) like this face.

Diane Kruger in Jason Wu. To be Diane Kruger. She gets the best choices, yes? Ring up Karl Lagerfeld, have him ship a dress. Email Francisco Costa, have him style you for your next premiere. The fashion life. Diane stuns here in Jason Wu; that slit is killer. Love the simple, sexy shoe. The top of the dress is interesting— reminds me a bit of a couture ice skating outfit, but in a good way. I love that black satin band at the waist; it hits at the perfect spot. Diane does it again.

Giselle Bundchen in Alexander McQueen. That body. It’s really not fair, is it? Homegirl can pretty much wear anything and we’ll all swoon over how she looks in it. Genetic bias notwithstanding, Giselle looks amazing here. A rich red, with a huge Southern Bell Scarlet O’Hara skirt, set against a sleek bodice. Simple, smooth hair and nude makeup compliment rather than distract. Perfection.

The Meh:

Beyonce in Pucci. I’m not ragging on Miss B because she looks bad or boring. She actually looks great, and super fashion-forward on a night when you’re supposed to rock fashion-forward. I’ve just seen this dress before, or one a lot like it. On Beyonce. See? There’s some sameness happening here, don’t you think? Can you re-gift The Met? I don’t think you should.

Lea Michelle in Escada. Right, I’m yawning. Full-on, almost-asleep yawning. Really? The most interesting thing about your dress is a boob flap? Not impressed.

Leighton Meester in Louis Vuitton. Almost! Thisclose.  The hem on that exquisitely naughty LV dress needs to be about three inches shorter. And paired with different shoes. The way it look as is completely cuts off Leighton’s leg line, and gives her stumps instead. Love the unfussy hair and makeup; very model-esque.

Rihanna in Stella McCartney. Loved everything except that damn fire engine Rapunzel braid. It totally detracted from the rest of the outfit, and was completely unnecessary. Lop it off, and I’m a fan.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Stella McCartney. So many people wore Stella last night. And Gwyneth disappointed. Does she look amazing? Yes. But G’s supposed to be a Fashion Girl, and Fashion Girls bring it at The Met honoring McQueen. G is a little lukewarm here. Not nearly bold enough.

Emma Stone in Lanvin. Love the hair and makeup. Love the shape of this dress. But the pattern… Huge floral? Looks a bit like a set of outdoor patio furniture, don’t you think?

Black Lively in Chanel. What in the Animal House hell is this? Okay, I’ll give her edgy. (Edgy keeps her off the worst-dressed list.) And I’ll also say that her hair and makeup were gorgeous— she is glowing, no doubt. But I don’t find this flattering. And the color is blah. Where Diane Kruger succeeded with her body-con top that hinted at figure skating, the top of Blake’s dress (TOGA?) reeks of bad local mall ice skating. Wrinkly, almost baggy in places. Nope, not a win for her.

The Bad:

Alicia Keys in Givenchy. This is Givenchy? It looks like Bayou Harry”s Leather and Tackle Shop. The jacket is hitting her at one of the fullest parts of the dress, and her waist is lost. Also, brown? Really, brown?

Fergie in Marchesa. 80s bride. Holy dated soap opera (Dallas!) this is awful.

Kirsten Dunst in Chanel. Why does Kirsten Dunst choose dresses that age her 30 years? And what is that business with the shoulder cut-outs and the straps? It looks like she’s wearing a matching Chanel Grandma Bra. Those shoes should be burned, by the way. Pointed ankle-strap pumps with flowers = bad Mother of the Bride. Or Grandmother of the Bride.

Jessica Alba in Ralph Lauren. Hi, I really hate your cheap gold lamé with mesh overlay tablecloth. Can you go home and change? This doesn’t do anything for her figure, and doesn’t show off her cute baby bump. So, so budget.

Mary Kate Olsen in vintage Givenchy. I haven’t seen MKO in anything remotely form-fitting since she wore a diaper on Full House, so points off for going with the same old baggy dress we’ve seen you in a hundred times. And great Christmas theme, by the way. Are those green bells? Tell me they’re not.

Naomi Campbell in Alexander McQueen. Naomi wore McQueen, but why does it look too big? Maybe it’s those gauze ropes hanging under her chest. My biggest problem with this look is her hair. Those bangs are Spock, that white bow at the crown is stupid, and that updo in the back is hideous. Naomi is drop dead gorgeous, so how did this happen? Did she pummel her hair stylist with her phone?

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That’s my take; what do you think?