Fashion Week Musings

Ahh, Fashion Week.

Whether it’s NY, London or Paris– the outfits, makeup, hair, and accessories are guaranteed golden entertainment.

The good:

Jessica Stroup. Black lace (and lace in general) is huge right now. Love the sheerness around her shoulders. The dress is short without being too saucy, and the belt brings an edge.

Kate Bosworth. Love the nude, love the off-the-shoulder, love the red wedges and red lip.

Nicole Richie. And only Nicole could pull this off so effortlessly. I love the denim (and faded!) shorts with black tights.  Her legs look 8 miles long! The whole outfit is offbeat and fabulous in that boho way she does so well.

Rachel Zoe. Love the tweed jacket (Chanel?) paired with nude suede over-the-knee boots. And a Birkin. Please.

There’s this Rachel/Nicole Phenomenon, don’t you think? They can pull off outfits that normal humans (or even other celebs/stylists/designers) cannot. Stuff that would look ridic on you and me looks no-brainer effortless on them. For example, me in a pair of denim shorts and tights? Or over-the-knee pale suede? Please. I would get laughed out of the wine bar/Target/mall/wherever.

Victoria Beckham is one who can do no wrong for me. Sometimes she’s chav (less so lately, see circa 2006), but most of the time she’s this perfect mix of trendy and classic. I love her spin on the standard black pants + black blazer combo. And blue-capped Calypso Loubs!

Molly Sims. This is how you do a white (possibly summer) dress in the winter (complete with a pile of snow in the background). Perfect blazer— love that she went a little boyfriend-y here rather than cropped. The pop of color with her earrings is a perfect touch, too.

Zoe Saldana. She’s been hitting it hard since the Avatar promo tour. And I adore practically everything she wears. This structured LBD is fab.

The bad:

Katie Holmes. A wool duster? Really? She looks like one of those people on stilts at the circus. An Hermes circus, but a circus nonetheless. Or maybe like one of the guards from the Wizard of Oz?

Kelly Osborne. Love this color (as we’ve established)— but not in a shiny tafetta. Also not with purple gloves. And is her dog pulling at her collar or is that supposed to be the neckline? And not the headband. It’s all really severe against her fair complexion.

Whitney Port. This confuses me, because there are so many elements I like about this— love her smoky eye, love the heather gray + aqua combo, love the shoes. But hate the way it looks in this weird baggy tee and harem pants outfit. It makes her look way wide, and maybe like she pooped her pants.

Annalynne McCord. If someone this tiny can’t quite pull of a bubble hem, then no one can, okay? And what is on her feet? They look like the might be black booties with a cuff around her ankle, but they also kinda look like she’s wearing studded hooves.

Olivia Palermo. Usually, I’m an Olivia-fan (of her wardrobe, that is). She’s a beautiful girl with quirky-classic taste. But this is… Off. Not loving these pieces together– the draped tie-dyed chiffon dress is awkward. Maybe as a stand-alone? And the jacket– what is that print? Evil triangle heads with teeth? It’s a miss.

Shenae Grimes. Oh man. Dig the blazer, but not belted with that giddy-up monstrosity. Harem pants– go away. And I don’t know what’s happening with those shoes. Again– too old.

Mena Suvari. Too busy! Too much! Too shiny! The scarf is okay (maybe, it’s a little cheesy), but way overpowering. Is it eating her neck? I don’t like the shine on that jacket, although the three-quarter sleeve is interesting. But with a leather dress? No. A little painful to look at, don’t you think?

The unexplainable:

JWoww. I’m not going to take the time to google her actual name (do you know it, anyway?).  This is either Ed Hardy or knock-off Ed Hardy. I don’t know which is worse. And do her legs have scales?

Gaga and Cyndi Lauper. Gaga uses fashion as part of her artistic expression (in the truest sense of the phrase), which means the girl just doesn’t put on a pretty dress. I applaud that. But this is still unexplainable. I fear for her life in those insane platforms. PS– although the tights are weird, Cyndi’s legs look amazing.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Olsen fashion is like granny boho or something. I don’t get it. But I don’t think I’m supposed to get it– I think it’s intended to be a level of fashion that most are not enlightened enough to appreciate…? Therefore, unexplainable. Anyway, Mary-Kate looks like she’s wearing my monkey fur coat from Gadzook’s (7th grade, don’t judge me) and Ashley looks like she just bought new dobbers to go play bingo with the other retirees.

Annalynne McCord. Again. This wasn’t taken at a fashion week function (occurred during FW, but actually at the premiere of Shutter Island). But what in the Matrix hell is she wearing? Cheap PVC pleather jumpsuit that screams, “Take the red pill, Neo.”

And with that, I’m exhausted. 😉

What do you think of the outfits profiled above? Love? Hate? Thoughts, comments– bring ’em on. Would love to hear from you.